When practicality deems life an insignificant concept, is there any choice but to treat your own life as insignificant? The counter-argument is that life has so much to offer, whereas the alternative only offers a finality. Life may offer you something that you unarguably prefer over not existing at all. What do you choose?

I chose to give life a chance, but with a deadline. I didn’t want to be unfair to these contrasting concepts. What does it mean to give life a chance? To me, it means letting myself experience things, enjoy things. It means taking time to look around and not just rush through life like it’s a speedrun. It means bettering myself with time so that I can be at my best when I need to be. I don’t want my mental or physical health come in my way to experience life. So I stepped onto a path that I set for myself.

Balance is a delicate thing. It’s hard to maintain. To experience things around me, to take it all in and let it impress into me, I relax. I stop, take a deep breath in and look around. I break the 4th wall of my life and watch myself as just a character from the outside. I ponder over the things happening and it doesn’t move me. None of the experiences I am having bring a smile or a tear. Is this all I can have?

Balance is a delicate thing. It’s hard to maintain. To be better at the things that I do, to perform better than before, I focus. I stop, take a deep breath in and look straight. I am the hero of this story and stories end when heroes win. But I have failed to become who I set out to be. 27 is the physical prime of a human, and it is disheartening to look at my state at 27. I have failed the metrics set out for myself physically, mentally, socially. Is this all I can be?

There is no uplift in this post. I am not the writer that I wanted to be. I barely write anymore. I am not the professional software developer, not the athletic badminton player, not the genius chess player. I have failed to find a partner. I have not beaten my addiction. My mental health is probably balancing on a needle. I have changed a lot. I don’t even consume much art. I don’t know what i should do.