bicycleofthoughts

I’m banging my head to a beat that I’ve never heard before. The flickering bright lights and the loud sounds, I hoped they would overwhelm my senses and make my train of thoughts stop. But there is no escape. I am still thinking about how useless this is. It makes me wonder about all the other people around me. Are they pretending? Or Is it just me who is enlightened. The latter is highly improbable. It has a bias since I know so much about me and nothing about anybody else. I really hoped to escape.

My friends are here too. they are doing the same motions as me. We all look the same from the outside. I hope they are not going through the same thoughts as me. It’s so exhausting. It’s like a curse. It extracts happiness from you in those moments when you are supposed to be ecstatic. It makes those moments disappointing. Maybe I need stronger stimulants. But where does the buck stop? There is nothing in this world that would satisfy me. I would always crave more.

I have no idea how I ended up like these. And it is one of the very few things about me that I would change. I don’t want to circle around over and over infinitely just to end up where I started. It might end with me banging my head.