bicycleofthoughts

How did it come to this? How did I let this happen? I have started to miss the time when I was grounded. My thoughts have started to not matter anymore. Come to think of it, they didn’t matter before either. It’s because my thoughts are in control of my actions. And in the long term, my actions do not matter. In order for my actions to matter, that action should be immortal. No action is immortal. Unless it transcends both space and time. And nothing we can perceive is beyond them. They are in full control of my actions. And you may think that my thoughts can transcend them. And you will be right. But my thoughts are limited by language. What I cannot express in words of any language that I know, my inner voice cannot say them. For me to get new ideas, I need a new language. And this language needs to not be bound by the physical world. It should be able to express anything. Also I need new senses. So that I can feel something new. To experience what I have never experienced. To experience no one has ever experienced.

How does that relate to being jolly? Being jolly means being comfortable where you stand, where you are. You are only going to do things if something is coming between your comfort. And I have become really comfortable. I don’t think that I will ever achieve anything worthwhile. When I was down, there was a voice in my mind saying that look up, you will do so many things. And I have climbed only one step on my ladder, and I feel like stay here, it’s so much better than where I was. But if imagine my future, all I see is a guy who caved in to society, fulfilling all its norms and in the end just was a cog in a huge machine. I don’t want to be a cog. I want to be a machine, however small. And if I climb, I see a similar fate to all the other humans who dreamed and didn’t do. If I jump down, there is nothing but pain. In summary, I can’t handle being jolly. But if you can, enjoy. Cheers.