bicycleofthoughts

And I am back. Finally I am back. I feel the same again. Just pain. I want to cry but I cannot. Yes, it is the same feeling. I hoped it would never be back. But it is there. I want to talk to somebody but there is nobody out here. I can’t figure out why I am back. Is it the loneliness? I thought I recovered. I thought as long as I could keep the failures away, I would be safe. But I have failed again; in finding a companion, finding someone who will listen to all my thoughts, who will share her body and mind and soul with me and it was making me frustrated; and all this frustration racked up day after day after day and today marks the day when it has brought me down again. What can I do now? Maybe it’s over. I don’t know how much time I have left? I wish I had a best friend. But I have trust issues. It’s hard for me to have a best friend. I don’t understand. I revel in being different than others but this will be the end of me. I don’t want to be alone. I want to feel love. I am going to talk to someone.

He didn’t pick up the phone. But I cried just now. Feeling a little bit better. I don’t know what am I going to do next.